Bittersweet, precious time

Have you ever sat around and wondered what it would be like when your kids leave home? Peanut is 12. I can’t believe we’re already to this point, because in six years, he’ll be going off to college.

Where has the time gone?

I guess I’m on this melancholy vent after attending my nephew’s 16th birthday party last night. It was bittersweet to see this little boy, who used to ask his “Wee-sa” to paint his toenails, holding hands with his girlfriend, and showing off his new-to-him truck.

And I got to thinking. That could be my little boy in 4 years. A 16 year old, who drives, has a girlfriend and a goatee.

The thought of it makes me nauseous, quite literally.

When you find out your pregnant your life changes. One day, after weeks of odd cravings, swollen ankles and internal organ kung-fu, this little meatball that caused all of it comes home with you. Life is forever changed. It’s astounding.

But those little meatballs grow up to be big turkeys. With zits, cracking voices and hair growing where your little meatball should never have hair. They are becoming little adults, who are going to drive, have girlfriends, go off to college, and do the same things you did when you were growing up.

All of a sudden, you want to stop time, because you don’t know where it’s gone. But you do, it’s there, shown in the body of the turkey standing in front of you. The one how doesn’t want to cuddle anymore, nor does he call you mommy. You’re just Mom, if you’re lucky. A lot of times, you’re just the person on the receiving end of the eye rolls.

My meatball is a turkey now. He’s growing taller every day. His voice is rapidly changing. And soon, he’ll leave me to live his own life. Independent. On his own terms. I just hope that everything I’ve taught him, and continue to teach him, will help him make decisions that are for the greater good — his and the worlds.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to let go.

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