Update from the Mommyality Trenches

Bet you didn’t think I was ever going to show up over here again, did you? Well, I haven’t meant to ignore Mommyality, however life has totally gotten in the way. And when I say life, I’m talking about every damn germ on the planet ever trying to invade my body. Life has been hard in the trenches and I’m sorry, but I’m not a camo kind of girl. Let’s just say my yoga pants are worn and tired now.

First off, I was invaded with a lovely staph infection. Fun. Even more fun? It was under my arm and had to heal…and I couldn’t shave. I looked ready or swimsuit season under one and like BigFoot under the other. Oh, and even better? I couldn’t use anything under one arm for odor control, gross! Hence my permanently wrinkled pits from all the bathing I did. As soon as I started to feel better, the flu came to visit and it sucked. Finally, as soon as I start feeling human? My little germinator brought me a gift that only schools give the best…a stomach virus.

I know. It’s like staring at the sun, you don’t want to look away from the train wreck I’ve been. However, it gets worse. I know you’re wondering how it could get worse…but lemme tell you, it does.

I started watching reality television. 

Oh my. I can’t believe I just confessed that. However, confession is good for the soul and I’m here to share my sins. Forgive me readers, for I have watched Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, too many episodes of crazed brides and Martha Stewart — 3 times a day.

Now, Martha once a day isn’t so bad. However, when you start watching Martha in a fever induced daze, things get ugly…especially around your house. Nothing lives up to Martha’s perfection. Picture me sitting there, one beautifully shaven armpit, the other looking like Magilla Gorilla and I’m telling myself “I can be Martha. Martha loves me. She just wants my life to be as perfectly perfect and organized as hers. And? She’s a bad girl who’s been to prison for insider trading. I get street cred.”


Go ahead and tell yourself that when your sick and see where you wind up. Curled up on the living room floor, because you don’t have the energy to haul your ass back to the sofa, after trying to craft a wreath made of toothpicks, hot glue and handmade gum paste flowers or something. You’ll also find yourself crying over toilet paper origami when sitting on the toilet during the stomach virus debacle, or as it’s now known in my house “that day Mom lost her mind”.oh how i bled for this particular piece of art...

Creative Commons License photo credit: macwagen

Heh. I’m one of those people when sick…crazed and maniacal. However, I was an herbaceous smelling crazed and maniacal, as I had to bath in tea tree oil soap.

Now that I have that load off of my sagging chest — hey, I’m nearly 40, my chest is going to sag until Dad ponies up the cash for the boob job I’m waiting on — there are a few other things to share.

Mommyality is getting a makeover. I’m in the process of building out the new theme, but it won’t launch until after Christmas. And? I have a new writer coming on board for a while. She’s a well-known blogger who needs a space to get some things off of her ample busoms. We’re going to call her Esther. She’s living her own form of Mommyality. It’s intense, emotional and will make you sit back and reevaluate your entire life.

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