Bad Parent, No Trick-or-Treating

I’m a bad parent. Not in the “my son is neglected” way, but in the worst way possible. I laughed at my kid. Not only did I laugh, I was doubled over, tears pouring our my eyes, busting a gut laughing. And I’m still laughing while I write this.

What started out as an innocent night of Halloween fun, heading from door to door trick-or-treating, slowly turned into both of us crying for different reasons.

My girlfriend Terrie LOVES Halloween. She sets up a haunted path to the candy bowl, owns multiple fog machines and the entire neighborhood comes out. So did we and according to Peanut? Never again on Halloween.

Terrie prepared her husband that Peanut and his friend Mr. Ketchup* were coming through and not to scare them. All was good. He came out happy he wasn’t spooked. As we stood in the cul de sac talking around the firepits, I noticed that the “characters” were mulling around. Well, one decided to have a little fun with Peanut and Mr. Ketchup.

The mental image of what happened next will live with me forever. One of the “spooky men” started walking toward them, causing the boys to freeze and stare. Instead of laughing at him, the closer he got, the more nervous they got. Next thing you know, they were running. They lapped circles around the group by the fire pit, then hit the yard and finally started running as fast as they could down the street. Mr. Ketchup was dead silent, save the occasional squeal, and Peanut was yelling, breathing heavy and crying.

And Mom was doubled over laughing. Not just me, but Mr. Ketchup’s mom as well. We’re shameful, but it was hilarious. Laughing until our sides hurt, we were instantly relegated to the status of “worst parents in the world”. Yep. Even Starbucks bribery didn’t help.

On the way home, I was able to soothe Peanut not with logic, but with psychology. I apologized for laughing him and then said “I’m was inconsiderate to laugh during your distress and hope you can forgive me”. He did at precisely 10am today. At least, that was what time he gave me last night.

And yes, I’m still laughing.

*He eats ketchup on everything -- including peanut butter, hence Mr. Ketchup.