Mom Eyes

One of the most important parts of being a parent is imparting fear into your child. Common approaches include:

“Don’t run in the parking lot or daddy will die.”

“Don’t touch the three-leaved plants or you’ll break a leg.”

“Every time you cry, a puppy loses an ear.”

Yes, it’s fiction. But fiction works. And for a precarious four-year-old that only hears 1/8 of what I have to say, it’s crucial.

I’m not the best parent. In fact, I’m probably in the 20% percentile of greatness. But I haven’t had to make a mad dash to the emergency room so far. (Knock on wood.) And a lot of that is due to my Mom Eyes.

Creative Commons License photo credit: helgabj

I know everything my child is doing. Even if she’s three states away. My ears can hear her bedroom door open from the driveway. My heart can tell if she’s about to decorate our walls. And my nose knows when she’s inventing a new chocolate pudding recipe.

But just in case I grow dull, I’ve glued eyeballs to every wall.  Think: Mad Love/Drew Barrymore flick.

Actually I haven’t done this. But I’m thinking about it. Especially now that I have another child who is only three months old and already smarter than me. So smart that I think he hid my glue gun.

This means I need to continue the trail of fear. Excuse me while I remind my daughter that playing with poopy will cause the second biggest flood the world has ever seen. And our house will float away on a mushroom cloud.

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