When life stops you

Life comes at you and throws up a stop sign. It’s like  Mack truck has hit you and you don’t know where to go. What is up is down, what is down is up. And you are just confused.

That’s how things have been. I’ve been closed off (other than my husband and son) to those I love the most. Haven’t talked to them, haven’t responded. Emili, whom I love more than life, knows there has been trouble in my marriage, but doesn’t even know the details. Because when it gets to that point, it stops you and you seal off.

I’ve always sealed off, that’s part of who I am. Done what I could to function and be a good mother, otherwise I have just been sitting and staring blankly most of the time. Surfing the internet.

We are working, things are so more better now than they were three weeks ago. However, you have to heal and cope. When you’re young and married, you think the world is your oyster.

It can be.

But you have to communicate. When you stop talking, you don’t grow. You don’t progress in your marriage and things stagnate to the point that on a typical Saturday morning, instead of making pancakes, reading the paper and drinking coffee, you are talking divorce.

So, we are still talking. We are committed. But, I’m still out of sorts. I need to have a good, deep cleansing cry and write a letter to those I love that aren’t family. Emili and her boys need to know we are ok and not be shut off from my partner in Mommyality.

Her reality is so much different than mine right now. It’s like a weird disconnect due to the nature of our life direction. I miss talking to her everyday and cry because I just haven’t had the heart to tell her what’s been going on.

Our Mommyality image is a woman sticking her head in the oven. That’s my Sylvia Plath moment and believe me, I have felt like doing that over the last few weeks. Except my wine would be hiding in the oven. Or chocolate.

GRAB A BUTTON

But, I’m taking steps to get up and going, to start contributing here again like I should. I miss it here, I miss writing,

I miss Mommyality.

Love,
Me.

Comments

  1. Thinking of you. I know how you feel. Praying things get better and work out for the best.

  2. I have been thinking and wondering about you for the past few weeks. Haven’t seen you much online. I even txt you one time but did not hear back from you. Sorry you’re going through some tough times. I may not be you BFF but I have a shoulder you can cry on and ears to listen. Hugs!!!
    Maricris recently posted..Exploring New Sights at Universals Islands of Adventure

  3. Thank you for this post, it explains a lot. Please do know that I have missed your presence and know sometimes it’s hard to deal with all that life throws us. I am thinking about you and am here to help in anyway that I can.
    MommyB Knows Best recently posted..Business2Blogger – Product Review 101

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