Spanx for Men: Gutterville Edition

If you are female and of a certain age (or dress size), chances are you have wriggled and wiggled, grunted, groaned and cursed yourself into a sleeker silhouette courtesy of Spanx. They love my hate and unbridled lust for their spandex powers. However, once I have them on, I definitely feel better about myself. After all, when you can get rid of bulges from under your bra line to your knee caps; well let’s just say that’s a whole lot of miracle people. Thank goodness they’ve never burst, it would be the jiggle heard around the world. Sort of like a gun shot, but louder and with seismic properties.

Today as I was perusing the Spanx site, I ran across the Men’s section. Now, I had heard they existed, but until today, didn’t think anything about them. After I tore my eyes away from the chiseled abdominals of the male models and their underwear encased bodies, I started reading the descriptions of the goods and unfortunately went straight to Gutterville. They add dimension and depth? Where? Describe this in further detail, but make sure we have some lit candles and maybe some mood music. Reduced irritation and chafing? Well, at least the scratching and crotch grabbing will be kept to a minimum. Bottoms expand? Hello. Fits the body contours? Double hello. Moisture wicking? SCORE!!!

Spanx for Men www.Spanx.com

Gratuitous Eye-Candy

But then, I have to wonder. Will my husband, adorable as he is, look like that wearing a pair of Manx? (Don’t you like my new name for them?) Somehow, I don’t think so. He’s a slender man, but after 11 years of marriage, he has learned to love the sofa and his once firm abdominals are now lovely little handles I snuggle up to at night. I have pondered adding the Cotton Compression Crew into the cart with a pair of undies. Will he look like a solidified piece of man meat? Or like he has gas due to the discomfort of being compressed from moob to knee? (Disclaimer: I called and asked his permission to use this paragraph. After all, men are SEN.SI.TIVE. He said yes, although I could hear him gritting his teeth over the phone.)

You tell me. Personally, I would love to see them take some poor pot-bellied stallion and film a video of him strapping on, cursing his way into a pair Spanx. Better yet? Make the video one of the same guy trying to get into a pair of the In-Power Line Super Higher Power. They could sell movie tickets to that. I can see it now, the holy grail, an Academy Award!! Wonder if they would play Hail to Chief as we walked to accept the award?

Shaking off fantasy land here, what do you think of  Men’s Spanx? Personally? I would like to see a real guy in the ads, even though the one they used was certainly easy on the eyes.



 Lisa Frame has been blogging since 2002. Mommyality is where she tells it like it is. Real life parenting for real parents. No warm fuzzies here, just the shell shocked adventure of a Momma raising a tween boy in a suddenly smelly world. Read more from this author


Comments

  1. I want to know how they got Jim Cantore to model for that picture.

  2. mommyality says:

    It had to have been tough. However, since the Weather Channel and Spanx are both in Atlanta, must have been easier to coordinate!

  3. I could make a list of men I’d like them to use in the ads… wait. What was the question? WAS there a question?

    Since my hubby is a former subscriber/customer of International Male, I’m used to this type of item. Not that Mark has ever worn such, mind you. I’m just used to that sort of ad.

    Probably seeing it from a pseudo-male perspective, but I think it’s all about Truth In Advertising. Like us wearing WonderBras. Once the wrapping is off, prepare to maybe NOT be dazzled.

  4. Haha love this post! My hubby would rather his manhood freeeeee…lol

  5. mommyality says:

    LOL! Mine glared at me when I said I was going to buy this! LOL. ~lisa

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