Why I stopped at one.

People ask us all the time “when are you going to have more kids?”. We give them the easy answer…for them. “It’s just not been the right time.” “We haven’t really thought about it.” “We were waiting until we found a larger home.”

I’ve even been asked why I am being selfish since my son doesn’t have any siblings.

Yet, when I say those words or hear those things, deep down inside is the agony of knowing I should tell them the truth. “I had a horrible delivery and could have died easily and that’s how we made our decision.” Even now, I shudder to think about what could have happened.

Pregnancy? It was a breeze for me. I only had morning sickness twice, virtually no water retention and my boobs were stripperiffic. Yes, there was the kidney infection in the 7th month that was hard to get rid of, as well as the exhaustion of the first trimester. But really, it was a piece of cake. Chinese food and shellfish cravings? Not a problem as long as you know where the nearest Chinese/Seafood buffet is. I was a young woman, with a wonderful husband and not a care in the world.

My labor started off pretty uneventful. I had been really tired the night before and went to bed early. The next morning, my husband brought breakfast in bed and thought I needed to go ahead and get up. The next few moments were surreal. I stood up and he asked “What’s that wet spot on the bed?” and then WHOOSH! my water broke. We were thrilled. So, I called my family and then did what all normal gals do. I hopped in the shower to shave my legs and wash my hair. I also put on a full face of makeup. My dad called freaking out because I had not made it to the hospital yet. Maybe it’s because I was in such a rush to get here that when my Mom got to the hospital, my feet were out.

By the time I arrived at hospital, an hour and a half later, I was pretty content. Labor was a piece of cake. No pain. No nothing. Yeah…that’s until I got until the whirlpool to help “relax” me. After two trips to the hell bath, I was panting like a dog and gripping the sides of the bed like there was no tomorrow. How women walk when they are laboring, I have no idea.

Things were more or less the same from 11:00 am on Sunday, until 11:30 am on Monday. During this time period I had received a shot of Stadol and later an epidural. Yet, my body hated me and I felt like there was something coming out. Only it wasn’t until 3:47pm. I pushed for 4 hours 27 minutes. The nurses had not called the mid-wife at my Doctors office, nor had they informed my OB/GYN that I was pushing and had been pushing. They had also taken off my baby monitor, so we had no idea if the baby was in distress.

One of the practice doctors was making rounds, came in and found out what had been going on. He immediately called in an anesthesiologist, as well as every nurse on the floor. It took vacuum and forceps to get Peanut out. I remember the nurse saying “it’s ok if you need to scream or yell with your pain” when my tail bone was breaking during delivery, yet I was silent. The entire time. I delivered my son in front of my mother, husband, two doctors, 13 nurses and my unsuspecting friend Phil who walked in quite unexpectedly.

I am grateful everyday that my little noodlehead was fine.

Me? Not so good. Fourth degree tear, decent loss of blood and my blood pressure was 50/20. My mom is a trauma nurse and has said she didn’t think she has ever been so scared in her life. It was mimicking her own delivery of me, where she nearly died due to hemorrhaging. I was given a shot of what I am assuming was epinephrine. They had also clicked a pump hooked to my epidural, so I still felt nothing from waist down for nearly 15 more hours.

Due to post birth trauma, I lost bladder function entirely for two weeks. Imagine having to bend over and press on your bladder so your can void normally. Ten years later it’s still not right and there is nothing they can do about it, as it’s where it’s supposed to be. Kegals? My middle name should be “Kegal”. I am doing them right now.

So while I did want another child, my husband was very much against it. He saw me go through what I did and after a lot of soul searching, decided he never wanted to put me through it again. I won’t lie, there was tension many times over his decision, but it’s one that I have come to not only respect and understand, but I am also thankful. Our little family is complete, just the three of us.

Came to find out later my doctor was afraid he was going to have to section me in the birthing suite. He was an older doctor with many years of practice. It was not his fault that he was not contacted. However, as a new mother, before I left hospital, he stopped in to see me on his day off. He made it all worthwhile when he looked at me and said:

It was hard, but you made it look so damn easy.”

Indeed…


 Lisa Frame has been blogging since 2002. Mommyality is where she tells it like it is. Real life parenting for real parents. No warm fuzzies here, just the shell shocked adventure of a Momma raising a tween boy in a suddenly smelly world. Read more from this author


Comments

  1. What a very moving article. My mother died in childbirth with me through hospital neglect and childbrth is therefore pretty emotional for me.

    From what I have read in your blogs it sounds indeed like your family is complete and very blessed.

    Best wishes and hug etc.

  2. mommyality says:

    Thank you, Justin. I am so sorry and can’t even imagine.

    We have been blessed and it was a Godsend for the Prof and I. We were misfits that were pretty lucky to find each other.

    Hugs to you too and we shall chat, soon.

    ^l

  3. *Cries* My first pregnancy resulted in eclampsia and a preemie, but I think mine was a picnic in comparison to yours.

    You and your husband did what was best for your family. I don’t understand why people who would never dream of asking others what’s in their bank account think it’s OK to ask questions (or make accusations!) about an infinitely more personal issue.

    Hugs to you, your hubby, and dear Peanut, of course.

  4. Karen Murray says:

    I’m always amazed how others think they know what’s best for you and your family. My sister had a similar struggle with her daughter, also age 10.

    Thanks for sharing the rest of your story. You are an awesome mom and a wonderful woman. And I’m glad to call you my friend.

  5. I love you so much Lisa, and as a mom, I never want you to go through any of that again. As much as I love the grandchildren, I have been truly blessed with the ones I have, esp. peanut. He is my love and I am so happy he is here with us. I totally support Tony with his feelings about this. You are so lucky to have the 2 men in your life that you do.

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