The Great Kotex Conundrum

Periods are a monthly evil. Men? They don’t get it, literally or figuratively. Now, send that man to the grocery store to pick up “supplies”, which we all know means ice cream and maxi-pads, and you get an idea as to where this is going. Add a nine year old boy into the mix and well, it creates hilarity.

During my time of the month, Edy’s ice cream becomes a close special friend of mine. But, only if it’s chocolate peanut butter. Who am I kidding? Anything peanut butter and ice cream. My boys had procured said “friend”, securely harnessing it into the shopping cart when they ventured into no-mans land. The “feminine hygiene” aisle.

I can only surmise what happened after the ice cream was yanked from some persons hands as it was the last carton selected and before check out. Based on the mood that hung over them when they got home, it had to have been intense, heated debate on the entire line of feminine hygiene products in the store.

Wings seemed to be a topic of great debate, as well as flow. Herein lies the conundrum. My husband could remember brand, but not the type. Whereas Peanut was less concerned about that and much more concerned about my, ummm, womanly deluge and how heavy it was. He felt I needed adult diaper of all menstruating women, the overnight heavy flow pad.

Now, I don’t know about the rest of the worlds XX chromosomal carries, but I don’t like walking around like I have a roll of toilet paper shoved between my upper thighs. The waddle imagery is even more off-putting, but imagine a plus-size duck with teats.

After a heated discussion they arrived home, with melting ice cream and a box of Always. The Professor, my husband, had an eye twitch that seemed more nervous tick than anything. Peanut? Well, let’s just say that after landing on the Lifetime Channel one too many times, was even more concerned about me feeling “fresh” and he, not Daddy, picked out floral scented freshening napkins.

I felt like a Massengill commercial from the 70’s. Fresh. Floral. Protected. All conveniently wrapped up in one little orangy plastic wrapper.


  1. Rotfl. You are hilarious. My 9 year old has never took part in my hubby’s quest to get me the Super with wings. Lol I have a 16 year old that says it must be wings because she doesn’t want her falling off on the Bball court smh. This was a funny post.


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